


And when my dreams are sleeping I feel my nightmares watching me

by Sumi



Series: Avalon Trevelyan [6]
Category: Dragon Age: Inquisition
Genre: F/M, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-18
Updated: 2018-11-18
Packaged: 2019-08-25 14:59:09
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,467
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16662993
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sumi/pseuds/Sumi
Summary: After visiting the Chateau d'Onterre the Inquisitor finds herself haunted by what could have been.





	And when my dreams are sleeping I feel my nightmares watching me

**Author's Note:**

> This one shot was inspired after I did the quest at the Chateau d'Onterre. I wondered how a mage Inquisitor who grew up in the Circle would react to what happened.
> 
> Also, title taken from the song Nightmares by Ed Sheeran

Avalon left the Chateau d’Onterre with a heavy heart and sinking feeling in her stomach. She distantly heard Bull muttering about ‘fucking demons’ and was reminded of his comment during a battle a few weeks ago.

_“Why’s it always gotta be fucking demons?” Bull growled seconds before destroying a shade with one blow from his weapon._

_Solas responded, without so much as glancing in Bull’s direction. “One would think we would constantly be fighting demons given Corypheus's capable demon army.”_

_“Rhetorical, Solas,” Bull muttered with a brief pause and an irritated twitch of his only eye. “The question was rhetorical.”_

The memory of the exchange brought a faint smile to Avalon’s lips, but just for a second. Avalon's experience in the Chateau came crashing down around her again and the desire to get as far away from this place as possible became even more urgent. She ached to get back to the closest of the Inquisition's camps and retire to her tent.

“You okay, Boss?” Bull’s voice snapped Avalon out of her thoughts and back to reality.

Avalon hesitated before the answer. “I’m fine, Bull. Just eager to get back to camp. It’s been… a trying day.”

While Bull had no visible reaction to the moment of hesitation or the excuse, she knew Bull would see right through it. Whether it be due to Bull’s time spent as Ben-Hassrath or their growing relationship, Avalon’s answer would be seen for the lie that it was.

They began to walk, Avalon taking up the front and Bull the back. Beside Avalon was Cole, his brows furrowed in possible confusion. He was becoming more human by the day, which Avalon assumed was why Cole had yet to speak up. Varric's lessons on humanity seemed to be making an impact.

Of course, in the end, Cole always had that desire to help people. He wanted to take away that hurt and help people forget. Eventually he would ask if Avalon’s distress grew so she decided to simply ask Cole herself.

“Yes, Cole?”

He frowned, keeping his voice low. “You’re still hurting. I can sense it. Old hurt tangled with new hurt.”

Avalon sunk her teeth into her bottom lip. She worried the flesh, while trying to think of a response for Cole that didn’t outright sound full of panic. “I promise I will be fine, Cole. It’s hurt I’ve carried since I was a child. What we faced back there… just brought it back to the surface.”

“I think I understand…” he whispered, voice trailing off.

The conversation ended after that. Avalon appreciated Cole’s concern, but sleep and starting the journey back to Skyhold provided for a nice and welcomed distraction. Avalon remained dedicated to this thought; clung to it like it was a lifeline. She needed to believe the resurfaced trauma would go back down to where Avalon buried all that other crap she didn’t want to remember.

It was shifting into nighttime when Avalon spotted the telltale signs of fire. She let out loud sigh of relief at the sight. After that, everything seemed to become white noise. Avalon spared what little energy she had left reporting to Scout Harding and officially to her tent.

When Iron Bull finally entered the tent, Avalon was already resting on her bedroll. She looked over her shoulder, trying not to flush at the way he looked at her. Taking her apart with nothing more than a gaze. He knelt next to Avalon, putting weight on his good knee.

“Do you want to talk about it, Kadan?”

She shook her head.

“Then let me help you forget. Word?”

“Katoh.”

Being with Bull always brought Avalon to places she never thought about before. He pushed her to her limits, but never went overboard. Bull trusted Avalon to tell him when it became to much and she trusted him just the same. It provided Avalon a short reprieve from the day's events. She felt the words on the tip of her tongue, ready to spill her fears and anxieties to Bull, but the urge to sleep proved to be to strong to resist.

In the morning, Avalon was dressed and ready to continue their search for Samson's letters. The abandoned chateau was something they stumbled upon completely by accident. Solas alerted Avalon to the veil being particularly thin with Cole chiming in about sensing something angry. She agreed to look for the source and follow Solas. Bull trailed behind, grumbling underneath his breath. 

Avalon knew Bull well enough to know he was probably muttering about 'fucking demons'. Looking back now, she wished she'd ignored Solas's warning and kept on walking. The Commander needed those letters from Samson and Avalon was eager to get back to Skyhold. It remained one of the few places where she felt truly safe.

After a brief discussion with Harding, Avalon left the camp with her party. The Intel Harding received showed a group of Red Templar's nearby. They would hopefully posses the information the Inquisition needed to locate Sampson. 

She tightened the grip of her staff a few miles from the camp. The anchor began to pulse, indicating a rift was close by. It was a strange feeling was something Avalon didn't ever think she'd become used too. No longer did the anchor hurt. That stopped months ago, but it didn't make it any more pleasant. There was a strange, foreign magic now a permanent part of her body. Avalon would never get used to the anchor, no matter how many rifts she closed. 

Luck seemed to be on their side because the rift contained only a few weak demons. They easily defeated them and then continued on their way to the spot Harding mentioned. Avalon was pleased that not only were they able to retrieve the letter, the last two were found with little effort expended. Perhaps Andraste was on the Inquisition's side or, as Avalon suspected, the Inquisition's scouts sent ahead of the fighting party proved to be successful in their information gathering. Leliana would be pleased to learn this when Avalon wrote up one of her reports; an unfortunate part of leading.

The encounter at the chateau was pushed to the back of Avalon's mind where she preferred it to stay. It remained locked away until the return to Skyhold. Avalon discovered this the next night. It came in a series of odd dreams, eventually shifting into a nightmare. This culminated in Avalon waking up gasping for air. She was covered in a light sheen of sweat, causing her night clothes to uncomfortably stick to her body. 

Avalon shoved the covers to the edge of the bed and climbed out. She made her way to the balcony, caring little about the way the cold air drew goosebumps on the exposed skin. The wind provided a shock to Avalon's system, drawing her farther away from what she just experienced in the Fade and back to reality. 

The events at the Chateau gave Avalon a glimpse at what life could've been for her. They locked their daughter away, refusing to accept she possessed magic. Lack of teaching left the poor girl vulnerable to being swayed by demons. Being the strict Andrastians the Trevelyans were, Avalon wouldn't put it past them to deny the existence of a mage in the family. 

She knew the mere idea of it brought a tremendous amount of shame to the Trevelyan name. Lady Margaret Trevelyan heavily implied as much in the sparse letters sent to Avalon during her two decades in the circle. One might argue by quickly sending their second youngest daughter away at the first sign of magic that the action was just as cruel. At least, Avalon had a safe place to cultivate her magic even with the constant fear and subjugation forced on mages from the Chantry and Templars.

Perhaps, Avalon should express gratitude towards the Trevelyans for being such devout followers of Andraste. The mere idea of it caused her to let out a snort of bitter amusement. She didn’t end up an abomination, but life in the Circle had been difficult. The stigma around being a mage continued even with the title of Inquisitor. It entitled her to a few more protections than most Apostates. Hell, all apostates. Avalon never let herself forget that.

“It’s cold out here, but you feel warm inside. Why is that?” Cole asked. His voice was just a whisper, but it still made Avalon jump.

She sighed. “Cole remember what Varric and I said about how being more human means not phasing into people’s rooms and sneaking up on them?”

“Yes,” he said before blinking slowly. “ I wanted to see if I could take away some of the hurt.”

“It’s alright, Cole. I’ll be fine.”

For once, Avalon actually believed she might be.

**Author's Note:**

> You can find out about Avalon [here](http://sumilong.tumblr.com/post/156953211966/dragon-age-inquisition-characters) if your curious.


End file.
